Friday, December 12, 2014

In the blink of an eye

 || • in the blink of an eye • || 

In the blink of an eye my boys will be successful , God fearing, married , fathers living life & I'll be a phone call or car ride away and not just a walk down the hall. 

I asked a few mothers 3 questions I find to be both important and interesting. Mothers who are all different; some are single , Mexican, thirty-five, or homeless. I wanted to ask a variety to see if that mattered in the answers. It didn't . A lot of us want the same things for our children. So before I reveal their answers , here are mine.

1. What are three things you want your child/children to be in life? 
 → passionate- about everything they believe in. I want them to be passionate about their love and belief in the lord. Passionate about their dreams. Passionate about everything in a way no one & nothing and negatively influence them. And I don't mean closed minded; I just mean I want them to stand up for what they believe in.
 → strong & confident - so many insecure children turn into insecure adults. Insecurity breeds & harbours a lot of emotions that change you for the worse. When you're confident you respect yourself and that respect and confidence allows you to be kind & respectful to others. When you hate yourself you take that unhappiness out on others. 
 → humble - So far we've raised our boys with everything they need and not everything they want. A couple of weeks ago it was a tough time financially for us. But Keyy had a school spirit night at chuck e cheese; my husband whispered to me "it's amazing how he has no idea that we can't really afford to go tonight yet here we are." That's how it should be, to an extent. As parents were very open with Keyyon about money. Everything cost, and daddy works super hard to make sure we have all that we NEED. As a child it's hard to understand that all the toys in target can't get tossed in our cart and rushed home right? So I thought ; we were walking out of giant & Salvation Army was outside ringing the bell; Keyy reaches into his pocket (after BEGGING for a toy) and says mommy I'm going to give him this 💜 I asked him why, he said because he needs it . As much as I wanted to let Keyy donate I didn't. Instead we talked about why that man "needed" the money and how that was extremely kind of him to offer. And if he still wanted to , next time we would.

2. Your biggest fear raising your children/child when the world is so chaotic? 

Everyone who knows me, knows that I can be a "helicopter mom." Im literally a mama bear 2000% . I wasn't guarded, protected, and "smothered" growing up so I give it to my boys 100X more. But I fear that as they grow this might hinder their growth as independent functioning men in such a crazy society. I don't want them to be blinded or sheltered ultimately turning them "green." I don't want to take their independence and confidence away because I'm always there. I want them to take my extreme mama love and turn it into good in their own lives. 

3. Does your child's/children sex affect the way you raise/plan to raise them? 

Anton and I argue about this all the time, however we don't currently have a daughter so don't quote me! I think having boys instead of girls will affect how they're raised. I'm sure we will be a little tougher or them in order to shape them into the men we could only hope they'll become. As children me and Anton disagree on the emotional side of it because I want both my boys to be in touch with their feelings. You don't always have to be rough and mean. He disagrees! And as they get older I'm sure we will parent them differently than girls in the sense of curfews and punishment. 

So many times I've heard women & men complaining about how others raising their children will affect their own children. This is only half true. When Keyy was in pre-k there was a little boy who bullied him. He was mean to Keyy a lot of the time for no reason and it changed Keyy. It changed us as parents. We went from telling Keyy to ignore him, to telling Keyy to respond "I don't like that , leave me alone", to finally saying "if he hits you, hit him back" . The little boy's parents didn't care, he was an angel in their eyes. It was always someone else's fault when he misbehaved; another child, the teacher, his parents waking him up too early! I think people need to worry about their own children. If you raise your child a certain way MOST situations they involved in will allow them to come out the way you've expected. That runs from bullying to underage drinking to sex before marriage. As they grow we are the example! Being honest with our children and setting a great example ; being our best in their eyes will set the stage for their lives. Because in the blink of an eye they'll be adults and it'll be too late. 

I set a few goals for my family: 

❃ less electronics - more interacting - we already have a rule of no electronics at the dinner table. That includes restaurants. But I have to remind myself and Anton that even if we're just watching tv/watching Keyy play lets actually be there, not just sitting there. We also taught Keyy the category game; which he always wants to play in the car. 
❃ praying together more often - my family prays a lot separately. The only praying we do together is over meals. & sometimes with Keyy at bedtime. Definitely want to change this! 
❃ seasonal family "bucket list" - a sweet ig friend of mine Kelly inspired me. It's new & fresh but I'm excited.
❃ random acts of kindness together  - I want Keyy and Karter to see that we're very fortunate and blessed , in most cases more than others. We're starting with toys for tots at his school, not "random" but it's causing Keyy to give to someone in need. 

Here are some of the answers I got for my questions above: I asked 16 mothers; (1) divorced , (5) married , (5) in a relationship (4) engaged (1) single . Races; African American, Mexican - Hispanic , Caucasian , Filipino , mètis/ French Canadian , Japanese . 

1. What are three things you want your child/children to be in life? 
• men/women of God
• happy
• successful leaders 
• self respect
• morals 
• values 
• respect women 
• be successful
• never forget important things 
• independent
• ambitious
• empathetic 
• respectful
• giving
• kind
• authentic
• strong men
• compassionate 
• a gentlemen 
• loved
• protected 
• healthy
• feel supported 
• blissful
• grateful
• God fearing
• loving , open & honest
• comfortable 
• God loving/ fearing 
• a blessing to others 

2. Your biggest fear raising your children/child when the world is so chaotic? 
- this one is tough to write everyone's answer so I'll pick a few : 

• "That they be on drugs and unable to rationalize"
• "The fear that she'll believe in anything she hears or relys on social media to control her feelings"
• "getting hurt"
• "lost themselves and their faith in the face of hardships or tragedy" 
• "history repeating itself" - shes a single teen mom 
• "not being there enough to guide him the right way" - she works a lot 
• "I'll undermine their inner confidence unintentionally , to weaken their drive , also for them to be destructive and not cherish a women's heart like so many men do now"

3. Does your child's/children sex affect the way you raise/plan to raise them? 

Only 3 moms said their child's sex affects/will affect the way they raise them. Two of them have daughters & the other has boys! - I'm not included - 

Thanks so much to the mommies that responded to me :) 

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