man crush monday

#MCM - man crush monday

"It was rather beautiful: the way he put her insecurities to sleep. The way he dove into her eyes and starved all the fears and tasted all the dreams she kept coiled beneath her bones."

I wrote this about my husband probably more than a year ago & I smiled reading it just now - it's still very much how I feel :

//• when I lay next to him as he sleeps so peacefully I smile. he doesn't even realize that he's perfect. especially when his breathing picks up as I rub my fingers through his beard. this is my favorite time of the day. when he's completely vulnerable. all day he's a lion. his fierce eyes and stance lets the world know he's king. He's respected off demeanor alone. but at midnight in our bed he's my teddy bear. he's laying on my chest, cuddling, without a care in the world. the switch he hits at 5am amazes me. such a beautiful soul he has. I love him because of his ability to be a soldier all day but buzz light years side kick before dinner and a teddy bear before bed. I love him because he wipes tears and plays doctor with cartoon band aids. how can a man so strong be so beautiful? inside and out. I believe he was given to us to fulfill the loneliness in our hearts. his defensive smile always makes my heart skip a beat. life is so hectic and the world is so scarred but in his arms we're at peace. how did we get so lucky? he came at the perfect time and for that I am smitten. 

As much as I would love to say marriage is amazing, wonderful, rainbows and butterflies, I'm going to be honest. It's hard. It takes patience, maturity, and honesty. I was actually talking to my husband about how insane it is that some people think that two people who are completely different can come together and be perfectly sanely happy. No, I promise you no; marriage is not like that. But it's worth it with the right person. All the stuff that drives you insane makes you realize your life and marriage is actually perfect.

We've been together since October 2009. In February 2014 we got married. Yup your math is right , he took 4 years to propose. But he succeeded in surprising me, I love my ring, we got married just the 3 of us and I'm honestly glad we waited that long. Waiting was actually a very good thing. In that time, we took a break. We lived separately. We lived a state apart. We even lived together. All those things made us, our bond, friendship, parenting, & relationship; 10X stronger. 

Don't get me wrong, there's been times he's made mistakes and I wanted to kick him in the throat. In 5 years I've disliked him. We've fought. We went on a break. We shouted and stormed away. We disagree on parenting and who is being too tough. I hate the way he drives and hovers when I'm cooking. I hate that he's a know it all but almost always right. We fight over the dumbest stuff and it grinds my gears. 

But he's my better half and I brag about him any chance I get. 

I love my husband because he's a lot of things I'm not. We really are opposites and its both an amazing thing and a pain in my ass. And not like "oh my god opposites attract." But like raise the boys differently, see the world differently, deal with life differently; opposites.

My husband grew up very blessed and loved and spoiled. He never had to worry about food or clothes or where he would live. Even while dealing with a devastating challenge.

He's outgoing and social. He has lots of friends from all different places that all bring out something different in him. Friends that he calls brothers & that I love. He's very family orientated. He grew up in the church. He RARELY gets stressed out. He's funny and free and FULL of life. 

Not like me. As an adult I can finally admit to having a shitty upbringing . I did worry about food, clothes and where I would live. I was always alone and scared and timid. My parents weren't nurturing and rarely ever hugged me or said "I love you". I'm one of seven and grew up knowing I had siblings but not knowing them. I'm very introverted and skeptical. I'm a total stress case bursting with anxiety. I love hard because it's something I always yearned for. Before my husband I was broken. 

But these differences have worked in our favor. It's made us see life a little different. It humbles us both in a way we might not have ever been exposed to. 

God brought him in at the perfect time. When I needed a friend to give me joy and life and another reason to smile. And he's been a friend since then. From the beginning he's known all these things about me and still thinks I'm amazing.

I want the world to know that I married a beast. A very kind hearted and brave man who decided to date a very broken 20 year old single mom. He wasn't afraid to do what a lot of 20 year old guys would never do. Anton showed me and continues to show me what life is about. It's about fun, laughing, friendships, family & chilling the fuck out. I love how he loves on me and our boys. He's passionate about his family and his beliefs.

 I want everyone to experience love. it's amazing to go to sleep and wake up with someone who understands, accepts and appreciates you. It's a great feeling knowing that I'm raising my boys with someone I'd be happy for them to someday be just like. 

I love you papa; always . all ways. 

Cajun Chicken Spaghetti

Cajun Chicken Spaghetti 

*if you're cooking for more than three people I would  add a chicken breast & almost double each ingredient* 

Ingredients:

1/2 box thin spaghetti
2 chicken breasts, cubed
1 1/4 cup chicken broth
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 cup mozzarella cheese, shredded
2 1/2 teaspoons Cajun seasoning
1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon flour
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1 tablespoon olive oil


Directions:

1. Cook spaghetti according to package directions.

  

2. In a large bowl add chicken, Cajun seasoning, paprika and pepper.  Stir chicken 

until all pieces are completely coated. 

3. In a large skillet over medium heat add olive oil and saute chicken while slowly adding 1/4 cup chicken broth. When chicken is cooked through set aside. 

4. In skillet melt butter and stir in flour, forming a roux. Slowly whisk in remaining chicken broth and heavy cream. Bring to a boil and remove from heat. 

 

5. Whisk in cheese

6. Toss in spaghetti and top with chicken!

*I mixed it all together once I whisked in the cheese. 

Lactation Cookies

Lactation Cookies: oatmeal/chocolate chip

I could eat all three dozen but I recommend a daily "dosage" of four cookies a day! 

Ingredients: 

1 cup sugar

1 cup firmly packed brown sugar

2 large eggs

3 cups old fashioned oats

1 1/2 cups chocolate chips

3 tablespoons BREWERS yeast

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 cups flour

1 cup butter

4 tablespoons water

2-3 tablespoons flax seed meal

1 teaspoon cinnamon

Directions:

Step 1. Mix the flaxseed meal with water in a small bowl and let sit for 5 minutes.

1. Step 2. Using a mixer, mix together the butter, sugar, brown sugar, vanilla and eggs. Mix until well-blended.
2. Step 3. Add in flaxseed and mix until well combined.
3. Step 4. In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking soda, cinnamon, salt and brewer's yeast. Mix well and add to butter mixture.
4. Step 5. Stir in oats then chocolate chips. Mix until well combined.
5. Step 6. Use a spoon (tablespoon works great) to scoop out cookies and place on a cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 8-12 minutes or until slightly browned on the top.

* you must use brewer's yeast ; its a main ingredient to increase your milk supply. I got mine at Wegmans but I've seen it at vitamin shops & organic markets! 

-xoxo

motherhood challenges

motherhood is not for everyone. as soon as you pee on that stick and realize that there is a sweet, kind, angelic gem growing inside you , you have to become selfless and say "fuck me, it's about them"

being a mom, mommy, mother, ma, caregiver, servant, chef, "doctor" , stylist, superhero, milk maker, santa, all of that is tough. There is no grandma, book, blog, TV show, etc that can even almost prepare you for the roller coaster you ride until your last breath.

To me in the past 6 years my motherhood challenges have ranged from hitting rock bottom with my one year in tow to setting my pride aside & enjoying life - yes that's a challenge.

In 2009 I was in a horrible place, I made horrible decisions & I decided to pick myself up & do something I never imagined. I took my 1 yr old pride and joy and went into a shelter. I was homeless, unemployed, had no car & was surprisingly pregnant. Cluster fuck right ?

         

                                First pre-school pictures at my new job!

Fun in the shelter

I was a wreck, the first week , every night , I held this unbothered &  very happy little person close to me and cried. I was in a shelter, a fucking shelter. I am by no means better than anyone but how did I get here? I didn't belong with "these people". Right? Wrong. The people I lived with were also at rock bottom & from all walks of life. Some were battered women, some were ex cons, some were drug addicts , hell some were just single mothers trying to survive with one, two & sometimes three babies in tow.

After the first week I joined a church. I walked there with my stroller, new friend & her baby girl. I was a believer but I was in no way the God fearing woman I am today. 

I prayed , I cried, I sang, I listened.

                           

                                     waiting for the bus outside the shelter

       

sipping on the bus :)

                             

I applied to places everywhere. & you know what, I got a job. Was it perfect from there, no! I had to take the three buses in the winter , with my baby boy and it sucked. But every time I looked at him and he smiled and giggled at me like I was the best thing he had ever seen I knew I had no choice .

      

I went into the shelter in November & by February we had a car, a steady income, preschool & a 2 bedroom apartment.

This challenge wasn't coming to terms with the fact that I hit my lowest. It was maintaining the "perfect mommy" that my son knew me to be. He deserved that. I faked smiles, while secretly stressing & crying when he was unable to see. My challenge was not to be selfish and blame God for allowing me to miscarry but to realize Keyyon was here and he was my priority , my purpose and my constant push.

Christmas in our new place!

 Fast forward five years. Here I am married with two children. A whole new level to motherhood. A whole new set of challenges.

                                         

Since I was fourteen I've worked. I paid for everything I needed & the only time I wasn't able to do that was when I was homeless.

Well that changed when my husband and I decided that working full time with both boys was not worth it. It made more sense for our family & finances to stay home.

First visit & cuddling at home :)

Sounds perfect right. Being a SAHM; in yoga pants, drinking starbucks , watching trash reality TV & running out at three for school pick up.

Lunch in the park :)

HA! as much as I felt like a bad ass bitch working 8-12 hours and being a mama , lately at the end of my days I feel like a bad ass bitch times ten!

Being a working mom I wasn't married, I only had one child and I was in a different place. Now, I'm a newlywed, mother of TWO and finally becoming the woman I've always wanted to be.

It's a constant juggle. I'm new to the married life; I've been with my husband five years but not as his wife. Not depending solely on him to provide for us. Not seeing him work two - three jobs to give us what we need. Not being Christians together. Not parenting two boys who are five years apart. Not growing into a union in a way we weren't ready for as boyfriend and girlfriend.

While also juggling a five year old who has been the only child for his whole life. How do I give him attention and praise and love while he's entering kindergarten & growing & becoming a big brother. He needs me in a way that he's never needed me.

Not to mention a newborn, who I've decided to breastfeed and co-sleep with, in the summer while chasing a five year old who is out of pre-k, while I'm also recovering from my second c-section.

motherhood is not for everyone. We all go in blind hoping and praying we don't mess up !

I've been through all sorts of motherhood challenges. I was a single mom, a homeless mom, an unemployed mom, a mama mourning more than one miscarriage, a working mom , a newlywed mom , a mom of two , a breastfeeding mom, & a SAHM.

I sucked at them all & I kicked ass at them all. That's the beauty of it. Motherhood brings challenges every day, in tons of ways but the main goal in every challenge is to succeed and overcome the challenge your way, with your babies, on your time.

cheers to motherhood; on our terms. 

- xoxo

* I also want to acknowledge those mama's who enter motherhood by adopting their babies & becoming a step-mother. I don't ride that roller coaster but you TOO are a bad ass bitch.

Here goes nothing.....

I'm Taneisha, a twenty-five year old, married SAHM of two boys. I'm just a "super mama" trying to keep up with my superman of a husband and his two sidekicks. 

My idea for this blog is to have it be totally RAW. Our life through pictures, trial & errors, DIYs, recipes, pretty much any and everything I feel the world would be interested in. 

Find me. Follow me. Enjoy!