Monday, November 24, 2014

man crush monday

#MCM - man crush monday

"It was rather beautiful: the way he put her insecurities to sleep. The way he dove into her eyes and starved all the fears and tasted all the dreams she kept coiled beneath her bones."

I wrote this about my husband probably more than a year ago & I smiled reading it just now - it's still very much how I feel :

//• when I lay next to him as he sleeps so peacefully I smile. he doesn't even realize that he's perfect. especially when his breathing picks up as I rub my fingers through his beard. this is my favorite time of the day. when he's completely vulnerable. all day he's a lion. his fierce eyes and stance lets the world know he's king. He's respected off demeanor alone. but at midnight in our bed he's my teddy bear. he's laying on my chest, cuddling, without a care in the world. the switch he hits at 5am amazes me. such a beautiful soul he has. I love him because of his ability to be a soldier all day but buzz light years side kick before dinner and a teddy bear before bed. I love him because he wipes tears and plays doctor with cartoon band aids. how can a man so strong be so beautiful? inside and out. I believe he was given to us to fulfill the loneliness in our hearts. his defensive smile always makes my heart skip a beat. life is so hectic and the world is so scarred but in his arms we're at peace. how did we get so lucky? he came at the perfect time and for that I am smitten. 

As much as I would love to say marriage is amazing, wonderful, rainbows and butterflies, I'm going to be honest. It's hard. It takes patience, maturity, and honesty. I was actually talking to my husband about how insane it is that some people think that two people who are completely different can come together and be perfectly sanely happy. No, I promise you no; marriage is not like that. But it's worth it with the right person. All the stuff that drives you insane makes you realize your life and marriage is actually perfect.

We've been together since October 2009. In February 2014 we got married. Yup your math is right , he took 4 years to propose. But he succeeded in surprising me, I love my ring, we got married just the 3 of us and I'm honestly glad we waited that long. Waiting was actually a very good thing. In that time, we took a break. We lived separately. We lived a state apart. We even lived together. All those things made us, our bond, friendship, parenting, & relationship; 10X stronger. 

Don't get me wrong, there's been times he's made mistakes and I wanted to kick him in the throat. In 5 years I've disliked him. We've fought. We went on a break. We shouted and stormed away. We disagree on parenting and who is being too tough. I hate the way he drives and hovers when I'm cooking. I hate that he's a know it all but almost always right. We fight over the dumbest stuff and it grinds my gears. 

But he's my better half and I brag about him any chance I get. 

I love my husband because he's a lot of things I'm not. We really are opposites and its both an amazing thing and a pain in my ass. And not like "oh my god opposites attract." But like raise the boys differently, see the world differently, deal with life differently; opposites.

My husband grew up very blessed and loved and spoiled. He never had to worry about food or clothes or where he would live. Even while dealing with a devastating challenge.

He's outgoing and social. He has lots of friends from all different places that all bring out something different in him. Friends that he calls brothers & that I love. He's very family orientated. He grew up in the church. He RARELY gets stressed out. He's funny and free and FULL of life. 

Not like me. As an adult I can finally admit to having a shitty upbringing . I did worry about food, clothes and where I would live. I was always alone and scared and timid. My parents weren't nurturing and rarely ever hugged me or said "I love you". I'm one of seven and grew up knowing I had siblings but not knowing them. I'm very introverted and skeptical. I'm a total stress case bursting with anxiety. I love hard because it's something I always yearned for. Before my husband I was broken. 

But these differences have worked in our favor. It's made us see life a little different. It humbles us both in a way we might not have ever been exposed to. 

God brought him in at the perfect time. When I needed a friend to give me joy and life and another reason to smile. And he's been a friend since then. From the beginning he's known all these things about me and still thinks I'm amazing.

I want the world to know that I married a beast. A very kind hearted and brave man who decided to date a very broken 20 year old single mom. He wasn't afraid to do what a lot of 20 year old guys would never do. Anton showed me and continues to show me what life is about. It's about fun, laughing, friendships, family & chilling the fuck out. I love how he loves on me and our boys. He's passionate about his family and his beliefs.

 I want everyone to experience love. it's amazing to go to sleep and wake up with someone who understands, accepts and appreciates you. It's a great feeling knowing that I'm raising my boys with someone I'd be happy for them to someday be just like. 

I love you papa; always . all ways. 

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